Adjustments

[turbolion]

[As soon as they've returned to the castle, Keith finds himself walking away from the Black Lion's hangar as quickly as he can without breaking into a run. Step step step like rain on a window before a storm. First mission piloting Black, first mission as leader, and all he can think is how wrong everything feels. Despite Shiro's insistence otherwise, Keith knows he isn't cut out for this role. He doesn't know how to lead, doesn't know how he's supposed to unite a team and he sure as hell doesn't have the right temperament. Shiro had taken on the role and made it look effortless; Keith's been pushed off a cliff and told to fly.

It's at times like these that Shiro would gently remind him that patience yields focus, but the fact that he isn't around to say it himself leaves Keith with an ache in his chest. Stepstepstep even faster now towards .... well, he wasn't thinking about it. All that mattered was getting away from Black, and its led him straight to the Red Lion.

The Red Lion and....]

Lance..?

[There should be a greeting here, but as he watches the now former Blue paladin look up at Red, Keith isn't sure what to say. He'd been so lost in his own world that he hadn't even begun to consider how anyone else was affected by these whirlwind changes.
.
No matter what Lance had said about wanting to be leader, he knew Lance loved piloting Blue. After all, Blue was the first lion they ever found and she had chosen Lance over everyone else to be her paladin. His fingers curl into a fist, tense and inexplicably guilty,

But Lance had tried to say encouraging things to him earlier and... the right thing to do would be to return the favor. Or at least hand Red's new paladin his old bayard. Keith shouldn't have held onto the thing after Black made a choice, but Lance needs it now, whether Keith feels ready to let go of it or not.

He takes a step into the hangar. A baby step, if you would.]

Comments

[spazzed]

( he might have said that he wanted to be leader, but when he really thinks about it, when he really weighs the responsibility of being the head of voltron, he thinks that he maybe needs to think more before he opens his mouth and starts spouting off things he's going to regret. ( foreshadowing much? nah, nah. )

it's the kind of mantle he isn't prepared for, isn't ready for on so many levels that he'd lose count if he tried to take stock of them all. the kind of mantle meant for people like shiro, and in his absence, keith.

it had been strange, unfamiliar, not sitting in blue's pilot seat; red moves so much faster than he's used to and he catches himself wondering once they've returned to the castle if he's ever going to get the handle of it. if they're ever going to be able to bond like he had with blue, his first brilliant, perfect girl, and it makes him nostalgic already in a ridiculous sort of way.

except it isn't ridiculous at all, when you think about it. those bonds run deep, so deeply that he doesn't think that even with the shift of pilots he'll ever lose that bond entirely, even if he'll never be her pilot again.

any … way. that's part of the reason he's still in red's hangar. sitting on the floor in front of his new lion as he had when blue had first shut him out. he looks … calm, in the sort of way that only lance can ever look calm, which ends up mixed with things like restless energy and a bit of uncertainty and a myriad other things at any given time because he wears every single emotion on his face all at once.

he looks up when he hears his name, eyebrows climbing halfway up his forehead. ) Keith? Hey. ( he pulls himself up from the floor, genuinely surprised to see the other, though if he really thinks about it, since it's red's hangar, he really shouldn't be.

he turns away from red, giving the other paladin his full attention. ) What's up?

[turbolion]

[Keith watches Lance get to his feet, then awkwardly shifts his gaze down to the corner of Red's hangar.]

I - sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt you.

[Whatever he was doing. Meditating, trying to bond with Red, wishing it weren't so? Keith isn't sure, all he can really tell is that Lance doesn't exactly seem happy or like his usual dorky self. He bites the inside of his lip for a moment, trying to decide if "congratulations" is even the right sentiment for a moment like this. Lance did, at a point, insist on some rivalry thing that he wasn't aware of -- maybe Lance sees inheriting Red as confirmation of being stuck in his shadow and second best.

Suddenly the temptation to just shove the bayard in Lance's hands and just march right out becomes that much stronger.

Keith swallows, then looks up again.]

So... Red chose you, huh?

[Thank you, Captain Obvious. But Keith's studying the other carefully this time, trying to get a better feel for Lance's mood. After everything's said and done, he doesn't want to jump to conclusions because he doesn't want to fight, but his arms are folded across his chest in a way that's already just a little defensive. The 'hope you're not mad at me' goes unspoken, but he's guarded enough that it's probably an easy inference.]

[spazzed]

What? Oh, you're not. ( he shrugs a little, feeling just the slightest bit awkward and not really understanding why, raking a hand back through already-mussed hair in what might count for a shrug if it really tried hard enough. ) I was just kinda hanging out, y'know, like you do. ( does he, lance? or are you the only one to ever sit in front of your lion in their hangar and talk to them?

it doesn't really matter, because keith is more than a welcome distraction from the thoughts that are trying to roll around in his head without his permission; with all this lion shifting, the chain of command turning into something altogether different and his wondering if he's going to be able to keep up, his ridiculous brain is a ridiculous whirlwind of ridiculous insecurities and even though they'd all managed to get back from the mission relatively safe and sound. there's. something sitting in the pit of his stomach that he really wishes wasn't there, but also the sort of thing he doesn't want to touch for fear of making it worse by default.

to sum it all up: hey, keith, thanks for stopping by and taking him out of his own head for a second or two. even if he'd insisted there was a rivalry between them in the beginning, he's wondering now if it hadn't been all in his head, something he'd made up for the sake of being someone someone else remembered.

hm. that would make a fair bit of sense, wouldn't it? that kind of lance-reasoning? it hadn't worked, because keith hadn't remembered a dang thing, but that's far enough in their past that it doesn't need his attention anymore.

the question catches him off-guard somehow, and he looks back over his shoulder, a wistful sort of look on his face. ) Yeah, guess so. ( he sounds just a bit hesitant, because he's still unsure of how this whole thing is going to play out, but he still has it in him to try to nonchalant in an effort to make it not. seem that way. not entirely. ) Definitely going to take some getting used to, because … I mean it's not Blue, you know? I got so used to how she handled that I feel kinda like I'm in over my head here. ( a beat. that was way too much admission all at once. good job, lance.

a sheepish grin, and then he finally looks fully at keith again, head tilted to the side. ) But what brings you to my neck of the woods? Old habits?

[turbolion]

[you feel a little in over your head? a part of him wants to laugh humorlessly, but it's dwarfed by the part of him that's tired of sounding like a broken record. lance knows -- they all know, just how much he doesn't want to pilot black. they all know he doesn't want to lead, but is just doing it because nobody else can because shiro's gone and the war with the galra hasn't slowed for a second. no, if anything, it's gotten weirder -- worse -- with lotor in control of the empire. a new enemy with new motives to figure out, all while the paladins are trying to work out how their new team configuration is going to work. a sigh builds in his lungs and he isn't able to suppress it before walking and stopping just outside of arm's reach of lance.]

Yeah, I know what you mean. The Black Lion's controls are a lot different from Red's. Slower.

[but what the black lion lacked in raw speed and maneuverability, it more than made up for in sheer power. it's all so wrong.

he looks up towards the red lion, vaguely nostalgic for a moment. they had a rocky start, him and red, but they'd bonded over time. red's come to save his ass one more than one occasion and -- his expression falters. he doesn't know if that's going to be what him and the black lion will be like, and maybe he still doesn't want to think of his as a permanent arrangement.

but he didn't come here to feel sorry for himself.]

I ... uh... wanted to say that I'm glad Red picked you as her paladin.

[and maybe that's a little callous. they all knew how much allura wanted to pilot red herself, but keith can't deny that he'd wondered just how well she'd take to being second in command to him when she, too, could be a spitfire. lance, on the other hand, he thinks he's beginning to understand how to talk to. not well yet, but.... it's something. he adds after a moment:]

That's not why I came here. [that's said just a little hastily, like he's trying really hard not to make it weird.] I just ended up back here, maybe out of habit like you said. [rambling; time to cut that shit out.]

Red can be a little temperamental, but if she chose you it's because she wants you to be her paladin. You'll get used to it.

[spazzed]

( they know he doesn't want to lead — they know he's been pushed into leadership and that's never conducive to thinking it's even remotely possible, but recently there have been parts of lance that have been convinced that he has it in him. he just needs to find the root of that natural leadership and follow it where it might lead him and.

that's a heck of a lot of deep thought coming from lance, isn't it? something one might not except from him in the first, or the second or the third or the last, but sometimes he's capable of it. that's when he's going to surprise you, when you really least expect it, and you're going to find yourself thrown for the biggest loop you've ever been thrown for.

maybe it's because there's this inherent need to keep someone on their toes. maybe it's completely by accident. ( it's definitely that one. ) but regardless of which it is it all serves to help add up to the whole of him, make him who he is and shape him into more than the sum of all his scattered parts.

he hums, a bit thoughtful, and a bit because he's not sure what he should say, but what ends up coming out is: ) Black is so much more powerful, though. I guess it would make sense there would be some difference. ( he shrugs and it's not indifferent, but because he thinks he's made a pretty decent point and has absolutely no idea how to follow up on it.

this is his problem. he doesn't think far enough ahead to find his thoughts in order first. but. it's something that can be worked on.

for all the rambling the other does in the interim, something sticks out to him so starkly that he can't help but hone in on it, reach out to try to hold on to it — i'm glad red picked you — and it strikes a chord in him that he doesn't know what to do with, even if they have made strides in learning how to speak to each other, how to work together as first and second and while they might still have a long way to go before they're a perfectly well-oiled machine, any progress is progress, and the tiniest little smile spreads across the line of his mouth.

just a little bit shyly. and lance doesn't do shy. everyone that knows him knows that without a doubt.

he pauses — no, stalls — trying to figure out what he should say in response because coming from keith, that's pretty dang high praise, and he doesn't want to inadvertently say the wrong thing. ) That's — thanks. ( that's a decent start, at least. ) She's … she's a lot to handle, but you know that. So much faster than Blue, and I can't really say I don't miss Blue because we started this whole thing together, but … I think I'm getting used to it. Or, I'm trying anyway.

Feel free to let me know if I'm ever messing up really bad.