new beginnings;

[pretsd]

( he likes to think it could have gone a lot differently, a lot worse than it has, all things considered; keith hasn't exactly had the easiest go of things from the start, has probably been convinced ( or made to believe ) that things are never going to go easily for him and shiro won't ever be able to blame him for thinking that he's going to need to be as tough as nails to get to wherever he needs to be.

( he hasn't even come close to getting his whole story, because the kid doesn't talk much and he isn't about to poke or prod where it isn't wanted; he likes to think there's going to be more than enough time to get to know him as well as he wants to, to learn all the little ins and outs and the nuances that make him keith and ultimately present himself as someone worth trusting when everyone else has either left him, let him down or not bothered with him in the first place.

that last one … is still a thought that hurts when he thinks about it, something that hits him in the very middle of his chest like a physical blow. keeps him thinking that he needs to keep trying, because if there's ever been a chance worth taking, it's this one. it's him. )

he's had kind of a busy morning, all things considered — briefings to go over, papers and things to file alongside whatever else is needed of him at any given time, but he has a chance to stop somewhere around midday, an hour that comes upon him with the rumbling of his stomach that he may or may not have been ignoring for the last … too many. ( he drinks a lot of coffee, all right. and that has a tendency to stave off the appetite. no judgment, please. )

… anyway. he's thinking about heading toward the mess when he catches a glimpse of a very familiar shock of dark hair, which. seems more than just a little out of place because he'd taken it upon himself to memorize one schedule in particular and his brows furrow above the slight narrowing of his eyes as keith darts a little too conspicuously down a hallway he has no business darting down. hm.

… hm.

he follows a safe distance behind for a moment, a couple of moments until a few twists and turns down a few different hallways finds them outside, and only then does shiro raise his voice, something he hopes is soft and familiar and not at all judgmental when he gives a: ) Keith? Hey — ( and if he turns around, there will be a tentative smile waiting for him. )

Don't you have class right now?

Comments

[disciplinarycase]

[The transition from life at the group home to life at the Garrison has been.. difficult to say the least. As much as he hated being there with all the other kids nobody fucking wants, the adults there never gave a rat's ass what he was doing or where he was going so long as he sat on the school bus on Mondays through Fridays and came back before dinner. As much as he loathed the obvious indifference in their eyes, the scrutiny of the Garrison might just be worse.

There are so many expectations of him all of a sudden to do everything perfectly. Be at class by 0800 hours, go over flight simulation drills at 1300 hours, go back to class at 1500 hours, complete all the assignments given to you by the following morning, rinse and repeat until he feels like screaming because the sudden reintroduction of structure and focus he needs to put into dumb things like military rank and who he needs to salute, who he needs to stand up straight for is overwhelming.

It's one break, he tells himself. One break and even then he can already hear his former homeroom teacher's words echoing in his ears. He won't adapt well to the rigid standards of the Garrison and he hates that she may be right after all. But all he needs is just a little time to himself anf then he can go right back to proving her and everyone else wrong. It's fine -- it's fine.

He stops short the instant he hears that familiar voice call his name, his heart frozen over with shame. Keith would have taken getting caught skipping out of class by anyone else -- Iverson, Holt, Sanda, even that shithead Griffin. Anyone but him, damn it. It doesn't matter that Shiro doesn't sound mad or anything, he's just so... angry at himself that he can't turn around. Instead... he keeps walking, like maybe the guy might think it isn't him or -- or something equally inane.]

[pretsd]

( that kind of environment — those kinds of people aren't ever going to be conducive of a proper upbringing, and while he well knows it isn't keith's fault he'd been placed in a group home in the first place, there's something in shiro that wishes he could have found him sooner. could have given him this opportunity sooner, or another in place of it to see him away from such a toxic thing.

( it isn't anyone's fault, he keeps telling himself, but there is always going to be a part of him insisting that there could have been more done sooner. always sooner. but that's just the kind of heart takashi shirogane has. )

he knows this routine, knows it has to be something to acclimate to if you aren't used to it, much less unused to minimal structure at all; shiro himself has been doing this for so long he isn't sure he could operate outside such a strict regimen, but of course that doesn't mean it's going to be easy for anyone else. and. of course it might just go without saying that a break isn't so much to ask, if only to get away from the overwhelming responsibility of being held accountable for your own actions.

seeing keith like this, of course he doesn't want to risk spooking him, but there's … clearly something wrong, isn't there? why else would he be skipping out on class? he wanted to be here —

so, okay. he's going to keep following, maybe a few slower paces behind but still there, a concerned sort of frown tugging at one corner of his mouth as he tries to call out to him again. ) Keith, hold on. It's okay — ( i'm not mad. not even upset.

i just want to know what's wrong. )

[disciplinarycase]

[Damn it. Shiro's still following him, and immediately Keith wants to break into a run. The only reason he doesn't is because that would make it so much more obvious that he's feeling out of place and out of sorts, and if there's one person he wants to at least pretend to have it together for, it's Shiro. Because if Shiro takes back that recommendation he put in for the Garrison, he doesn't know what he'd do.

He comes to a grinding halt, fists clenched and head bowed. He still can't bring himself to turn and actually look at the guy just yet; he needs a moment to compose, put his armor back on and:]

I'm fine. Just wasn't feeling too good. Stomachache.

["Stomachache." Which is why he's not heading in the direction of the med bay.]

[pretsd]

( okay but if keith were to actually break out into a run, shiro wouldn't follow him. because that would clearly indicate that there was something going on that he didn't want to talk about, and at the very least by now he's figured out that pushing him is only going to make him dart off in the opposite direction.

he's only trying to present himself as someone keith can trust. can confide in if something is wrong and while he more than understands that that isn't going to happen overnight, he doesn't want to inadvertently ruin whatever sort of tentative trust he's already managed to bank. ( even if there isn't that much, just by dint of shiro being the perfect little boyscout he is. more on that later. )

it's okay that he doesn't turn to face him. at least he stops, and this one pauses just a few steps behind when he does, still peering at him with such a soft, curious expression that it might have actually taken keith by surprise if he'd thought to raise his head and meet his gaze. the answer he gives is one he is pretty sure isn't the truth, because not only is he not heading in the direction of the medbay, it sounds like a knee-jerk response because he couldn't think of anything more believable.

he gives a thoughtful noise, folds his arms over his chest. ) Funny, I'm not feeling too great myself. ( shiro, where are you going with this. ) Misery loves company, or so they say. Mind if I join you? ( oh.

that's where you're going. )

[disciplinarycase]

[Keith's already kicking himself for that "stomachache" line because it inevitably means that there'll be some invitation to be taken to the medbay and he doesn't want to go and force some medicine he doesn't need down his throat because he's too stubborn to admit to lying. At the group home, nobody bothered asking questions and if they did, there wasn't a whole lot of care for whatever his response was as long as his behavior wasn't getting them in trouble with the state and affecting their funding; the folks at the Garrison don't let him off the hook so easily. Or rather, because he's already been pinned as the Problem Cadet, he gets even less of a break than the others.

So in the middle of steeling himself for having to march right back towards the base and gulp down some pepto-bismol equivalent, he snaps his head around to stare at Shiro, eyes round with surprise, because that wasn't the response he was expecting. Or the look he was expecting to see from the person who gave him this chance to prove himself and is now watching Keith blow it in real time. He never meant to turn around -- it'd just been an instinct, like the way your eyes are drawn to a wrecked car on the side of the highway. All at once, he's confused and balling his fists even tighter to keep his hands from shaking.]

You... you want to hang out with me?

[Because no -- this is wrong. This isn't how being disappointed is supposed to go. He's supposed to be getting dragged off by the arm to the disciplinary committee because he's doing something he knows he shouldn't be. You don't offer to spend time with the trouble maker. Nobody fucking does that.

And yet... Keith fails utterly at making his question sound like an accusation. There's incredulity and skepticism there, yes, but the uncertain look in his eyes dwarfs it all. There's so much he still doesn't understand about Shiro like why the guy felt the need to give him a chance or why he's so concerned because what could he possibly stand to gain from any of this? But ... whatever it may be, he dreads the day that Shiro comes to his senses.]

[pretsd]

( he's not going to be the kind of person that thinks keith is blowing the chance he'd been given just by skipping out on classes one time; sure, it's still early enough that he has a lot to prove with all that potential he'd shown, but having come from a situation in which there had been no structure at all and having to acclimate to one in which there was nothing but the most rigid sort, it has to be a figurative slap to the face in addition to the worst kind of whiplash, and you know what? yeah. he's going to cut him some slack for this one.

oh. and. he's finally turning around, even if he doesn't mean to do so in the first place — and shiro has never seen a kid look so much like a deer in the headlights before, eyes wide and expression slack in the face of a response he hadn't been expecting. sure, maybe he should play the part of the responsible adult and offer to take him to the medbay, just for the sake of following through with a terrible excuse but he knows that isn't the point of all this.

and he doesn't want to scare him off. quite the opposite, he wants to be the one keith trusts when he's holding something back from everyone else, all those insecurities held back by a dam that's already threatening to break.

he wants keith to think of him as safe, and he isn't going to stop thinking that until it becomes true. even then … maybe not.

he gives a small shrug, still keeping that even smaller smile in place. ) Stomachaches are pretty serious business, you know. I should keep an eye on you. ( shiro you really are too young to already be coming out with the dad-level jokes, but no one is going to stop you, so. sigh. ) Besides, if I'm honest? ( he lowers his voice to a conspiratorial level. ) I hate the medbay. Not a big fan of doctors.

( yes, he would like to hang out with you, keith. if you really are up for some company. )

[disciplinarycase]

[Silence falls between them as Keith continues to stare for another long moment. Just ;like before when Shiro personally bailed him out of the juvenile detention center instead of leaving him in there to rot, the guy continues to fail in every way to comply with the rules of the world around him.

You don't give second chances to the kid that stole your car. You don't smile at the kid that's skipping class. You don't do any of this stuff, and as much as Keith wants to just snap all of this at Shiro, he finds his throat's gone tight instead. He doesn't understand and he's suddenly terrified.

Is it an act, is it not an act? He doesn't know and his expression falters as he chews on the inside of his lower lip. He has to glare or something to fall back into something that's familiar to him, but it's just so.... nice to think that this is all genuine. Given Shiro's track record so far, Keith doesn't have a good reason to believe otherwise... and maybe that's a also a little scary. He holds eye contact for a few more seconds, then looks away towards the horizon.]

I don't really have a stomachache.

[His voice is low, like the sweet summer child genuinely thinks Shiro's got the wrong impression here. Setting the record straight... that's probably something he should do if they're going to hang out after all. And if this means Shiro thinks badly of him, well then... you can't really lose something you never had.]

[pretsd]

( no, keith. you've got it all wrong; you give the kid that stole your car a second chance, because no one ever has before, and he doesn't know what it feels like to not be immediately dismissed as a bad egg. you smile at the kid that's skipping out on his classes because it has to be something, coming from zero structure at all and being dumped into the rigidity that is the garrison as a whole. you bail him out when he gets into fights because you want him to understand that it's okay to be possessed of that kind of aggression, even if it isn't the right kind of outlet for it.

takashi shirogane has never been anything but genuine in everything he's done up to now, and with keith it isn't about to be any different. of course he doesn't want to come on too strong, doesn't want to run the risk of scaring him off — something he's thought before, and something he'll undoubtedly think again before they've reached some tentative truce, and their trust is mutual instead of one-sided — but he's going to try, and try, and try again until keith understands that there is no act. there are no lies, or deceits. hell, he's probably as bad of a liar as the younger is, but for a very different reason.

his hands slide into the pockets of his uniform, and he regards keith with a soft sort of understanding without elaborating on it. not yet, because it still feels a little bit like they're walking on eggshells around each other, and one day, it won't be like that. maybe this is the start of it, a step in the right direction, and he feels good about it.

still, he gives a small raise of his brows at the admission. ) Oh. Well, that's good at least. ( there's a tiny shake of his head. ) I don't know if you've ever tried to hang out with one of those, but it isn't fun. ( okay, okay. okay. he's finished making jokes for a second, because after the span of a heartbeat or two, he follows up with: )

Wanna know a secret?

[disciplinarycase]

Huh?

[He doesn't mean to blurt that out, but he's thrown again for what feels like the tenth time in two minutes. Feels an awful lot like he's getting mentally jujitsu'd, but not in a way that he really knows how to block or anticipate.

So far.1) Shiro's not angry. 2) Shiro maybe knew he was lying about that stomachache somehow (??) 3) Shiro's still not angry about that lie. 4) Now he wants to share secrets. The confusion never goes away, not really, but Shiro has won his full and undivided attention. Keith will shelve the skepticism and look at him with wide, curious eyes. Maybe if he just rolls with the punches for now instead of trying to anticipate and guard against things that aren't coming his way, that'll makehim feel less disoriented.]

What kind of secret?

[Not that he expects to hear anything significant, of course.]

[pretsd]

( he doesn't mean to keep throwing him for a loop, catch him off-guard in ways he hadn't thought to anticipate — but he has to admit, his reactions are kind of endearing in their own way, and he thinks he might actually be making some headway when it comes to cracking this particularly hard-shelled nut.

( and it isn't that he blames him for that, not in the slightest; no human being that had gone through all the things that keith had in the past would have come away without some walls to separate ( protect ) them from everything around them, because who knows what might come next? )

the lead-in to this supposed secret really isn't anything big, meant more to help keith open up than anything else, and shiro's smile is tentative and soft all at once as he takes one more step forward, wanting to close some of the distance between them. just because, again, he thinks he might actually be getting somewhere. ) A really important one. ( he nods solemnly, like he's already given something very important over for the other's consideration. )

You don't have to lie to me. Ever, about anything. ( he pauses, tries to let that sink in. ) I want you to feel like you can be honest with me. You can trust me.

[marmoron]

Keith's initial response is to blink. Shiro's been making it his apparent mission to do everything Keith doesn't expect, but he's still not sure what the end goal is. "Fostering trust" would be the most obvious answer, but that only raises the question of why anyone would suddenly be all interested in what he has to say. What he's really feeling.

His expression falters a little, teeth biting into the inside of his lip. Part of him wants to shudder at the stray feeling of hopefulness because that's just misplaced.]

Can I ask you something then? [Then on his next breath, before Shiro can cancel honesty hour.] How come you didn't tell the cops to press charges? I stole your car.

[A beat.] It wasn't even your car. It was the Garrison's car.

[pretsd]

( shiro has been interested in what he's thinking, what he has to say from the very beginning; he'll say as much, too, if asked, but he likes to think it kind of goes without saying that he'd had a feeling about keith from the start, wanted to figure out what makes him tick, what spurs him into action.

other than doing something just because he can, of course. he knows it could never be that simple, because nothing ever is.

and hey, there will never be any cancellation of honesty hour. once he's committed to something, he'll see it to the very end, regardless of whatever path ends up being taken; the question doesn't surprise him, not in the least though he does find himself surprised that he hadn't asked before now.

his smile is soft, tentative but real as he pushes a hand back through his hair, scrubs at the back of his neck. ) I figured you had a reason for it. ( is what he starts with, and his expression goes a little solemn, remembering the conversation he'd been having when the vehicle had been taken in the first place. )

You deserved the same chances as everyone else, and I wanted to make sure you got it. Even if you're a little thief.

( there's a tiny little bit of humor for the sake of it. enjoy that, kiddo. )

[haveaseat]