aftermath

[marmoron]

[It seems like an eternity ago that Shiro had promised the crowd at Earth that they would return triumphant. Technically, it's a promise they've managed to keep with the combined strengths of all the people in the Coalition, but the victory doesn't feel like triumph.

Keith turns away from Cosmo to look at the sunset. This had been how he chose to spend his last night on Earth before the mission -- lots of different feelings about their upcoming battle against Honerva and her fleet of komar infused Robeast. Back then, he could only believe they'd win because losing wasn't an option. It's bittersweet that losing, in some messed up sense of it, was ultimately their only option.

Itt'd been easier to look Lance in the eye back then when his biggest problem was this date he had with Allura. The way things are now, he wonders if things really will be okay. Then again.... it's probably the wrong way of looking at it.]

You know, Lance. Maybe it goes without saying but... [A beat.] You know I've always got your back, too.

[So if he needs to talk about things, he can.]

Comments

[spazzed]

( he really hadn't meant for all of that to come out of him, because it's like playing an old record or beating a dead horse; everything he's already said doesn't need to be said again, he's not going to stop missing her overnight or in the next stretch of days and weeks ahead of him, but it isn't doing anyone any good at all to have to listen to him … well, mope. in a way.

everyone mourns in their own way, he knows that. and grief will never care how many hours, days, weeks it's been. sometimes he thinks he's all right and then the smallest thing will make him remember an even smaller thing, and then it's hell getting his head back on straight. ) I know. Everybody misses her. ( he says that more to mean something like i don't deserve to hurt more than the rest of you, because their time had been short and they had been so new, but that isn't the point.

… he's not really sure what point he's trying to make, here, honestly. his mouth pulls to the side in a half-frown, like he's trying to work himself through his own thought processes while also not ending up tripping over what ends up coming out of his mouth, because that has always been something he's come by easily, and with keith trying to be the good friend they've both evolved into for each other, he doesn't want to make that seem like a moot point, either.

he takes all of that in, takes it to heart and while he's not about to embarrass himself completely by crying outright, there is a small tremor to his lower lip and a stinging in his eyes that he tries to chase away with a couple of quick blinks. it means a lot, coming from keith. that kind of reassurance is something that no one would have expected from him before they'd all been forced to grow into their roles as paladins. as defenders of the universe.

he appreciates it more than he thinks he'll ever be able to tell him, because everything he could think to say doesn't seem like it would be enough.

so, he nods, a small thing, giving him a sideways glance but ultimately keeping his eyes trained on the still-setting sun, because he still doesn't fully trust himself not to break down. ) I think what's giving me the most trouble is … figuring out what I'm supposed to do now that we're done. The universe doesn't need Voltron anymore, right? Everybody's safe, and I guess I could go out and do whatever I wanted but. I feel kinda lost. ( his next exhale sounds almost like a huff. )

It's stupid.

[marmoron]

[It's difficult to watch Lance struggle to keep his composure, and Keith doesn't know if he ought to just tell the guy to cry it out already if he needs to or just look away and act like he hasn't noticed. In the end, he opts for the latter because that would've been his personal preference. It's not the best rationale -- they're different enough that he'd be willing to bet that telling Lance that he's not going to be judged for being upset might actually do his friend some good. He turns his face back towards the sun. It's not much in terms of granting Lance some privacy or dignity, but it's something.]

It's not stupid. [You're not stupid -- despite the ribbing. Keith hopes Lance realizes that. His voice goes soft, contemplative.] The war may be over, but we're not done. Allura's sacrifice may have sewn the seeds of peace and stability, but it's up to us to take care of it.

[Because if the universe does ever need Voltron again, they're missing a paladin and there is nobody who can possibly fill in for Allura. She was, in so many ways, truly irreplaceable. His brow furrows slightly; if only it were as simple as Lance is making it out to be.]

It may feel like a lot has changed, but you're still a paladin, and you'll always be a paladin, Lance. No matter what happens, nobody can ever take that away from you.

[spazzed]

( no one will ever blame keith for reacting in a way that encompasses his own preference for certain things; they're so much different in that respect, but maybe that's why they've come to understand one another better, how they've learned to work better both with each other, and as a unit with the rest of the team.

and really — it's embarrassing enough all on its own to be caught like this, between the proverbial rock and a hard place, wanting all at once to insist that he's still fine, that he doesn't need to let out all those feelings of loss and wanting to let go of the fraying edges of control he's been clinging to, only letting his guard down enough to let the tears come when he's by himself. alone with his thoughts.

still, maybe it's a good thing that keith turns away from him to face forward again, because despite trying to keep the threatening tears to blur his vision they come right the hell on anyway, and only once he's blinked a handful of times do they even thinklast person he'd expected to hear something like that from.

but that just shows how far he's come as a leader, doesn't it? that it sounds so natural, coming from him. all the things he knows are true and still needs to be reminded of.

the chuckle that comes out of him isn't without a bit of mirth, but it's more in awe than anything else. ) We really have come a long way when you're still the one making motivational speeches, huh? ( his smile is still brittle when he chances a glance over at keith, trying to show he's appreciative of his words, more than anything else, even when his poor attempt at humor is what he's still falling back on. even now. ) No, I — thanks, Keith. For saying all of that. ( really, it really is all the things he needs to hear. probably will for a little while yet. )

There's just so much to think about, sometimes I feel like my head's gonna explode.

[marmoron]

[The bit about "motivational speeches" has Keith halfway about to retort with I can stop at any time, but the earnest thanks that comes afterward leaves him with something different to say.]

Yeah, who'd have seen that one coming.

[Because Keith sure as fuck didn't. If someone had told him the day they found Blue that he'd be making important speeches in front of the Garrison, he'd either be raising an eyebrow up to the moon or cracking a rib laughing. Lance is right, they really have come a long way since those days, and he considers this for a long moment afterwards while Lance blinks away the... oh what was his explanation of choice? Right. Space dust.]

You've come a long way too from getting your lion stolen.

[Really weird actually how long ago that feels due to the time he spent in the Quantum Abyss. Keith grins. Lance can take one little stickpoke before he grows more serious again.]

But you don't have to thank me for pointing out the truth, Lance. [A beat.] And if you need to talk about it to relieve some of the pressure, you should.

[spazzed]

( maybe, initially, he never would have thought to find himself yielding as much as he has to the leadership of the other; he'd fought it at first, yeah, not only because it had seemed so unlikely but it was clear keith didn't want it either — and now he can't possibly think of himself as anything other than his right-hand man, standing next to him instead of trying to get ahead of him.

things change, and while they've both been through their fair share of garbage a lot of their recent changes have been … for the better. for the positive. he might not know what he's supposed to do with himself now, but having the other sitting next to him, telling him all of these positive things when he doesn't know which way he's supposed to turn, it. it makes him feel better.

but then the bit about having his lion stolen has him blanching — never gonna let that go, are you! — and at a time they've both left way, way in the past, he would have reacted with the sort of flailing embarrassment that had carried him through a lot of those new experiences, but now.

he just. laughs. because he's right. ) Guy gets his lion stolen one time … and he never hears the end of it. ( but wow does he sound kind of fond. maybe a bit nostalgic.

he takes in a breath, lets it out slowly, drums his fingers against his leg out of some weird habit of fidgeting without realizing, and when he turns to look at keith outright, he's smiling. it's genuine, yes, but still a little small. but it's there. ) If I start talking, I'm going to end up babbling, and it's not going to be pretty. ( he laughs, but it's really more of a … huff? maybe? something along those lines. ) But I'll keep it in mind. ( a beat. ) Same goes for you, you know.

[marmoron]

How will we know how far we've come if we forget the little things, huh?

[So yep, never letting that go, indeed. But likewise, it's said with a sort of nostalgic fondness. It isn't a barbed comment -- or at least it's not intended to be one. It's just a reminder that Lance has come a long way since those days and that he ought to hold his head high for becoming the person he is today. Even if that may be difficult at the moment because of everything that's happened and the loss that they've all endured. Keetese at its finest, really.

While he could continue to prod and ask when is Lance ever not babbling, he doesn't do that. Instead he turns his face back towards the sunset and stares out over the horizon.]

I'm pretty sure your babbling's a whole lot prettier to see than your head exploding, Lance.

[Again, his tone's soft. Tacit acknowledgement that he understands that the offer to listen is there. He appreciates it, even though he doesn't really think he can bring himself to be maudlin about how everything ended with the guy who cherished Allura more than the rest of them.]

[spazzed]

You can totally forget that one little thing and it won't make a difference. ( but yeah … again, he's still holding on to that small smile, because he's finally gotten it back and he's not about to let go of it, because … he feels like he's holding on to it with just the tips of his fingers and if he wavers, it'll fall out of his hands again.

and. maybe he's gotten a little more fluent in keetese here lately — within the last little while, because he thinks he understands. knows what he means even if he speaks not in riddles, but the kind of teasing that seems to have gotten a heck of a lot more gentle lately. it's the sort of thing he can handle, the sort of thing he's been slowly getting used to, and while he feels so uncertain about a lot of things, that seems to be one he can count on to stay constant.

keith, a constant among variables. who knew?

he exhales a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, almost deflating with it. ) I guess it would mean less brain matter splatter, huh? ( he didn't mean to rhyme, but it makes him chuckle a bit, and then he shifts like he's just short of picking up on old fidgeting habits, but stops himself.

his knee bounces, just a little though. that sort of thing is never going to stop. ) I wish we'd had more time. Like, not just me and Allura, because that's selfish, and I don't wanna be. But. All of us together, because we were so busy saving the universe to just be. Friends. Hang out. Do stuff.